IdealisticallyReal.SimplyMe.

I’ve tried to live my life in a way that I don’t do things or make decisions that can hurt or damage anyone else. I don’t believe that I’ve done anything to make anyone overly upset. If I have, please let me know and I’ll write you something.

I guess this would have to be my father. But I already wrote him something already…do I have to elaborate further?

Dear Grandparents,

You both died my freshman year of college and when you passed, I didn’t feel anything. No hurt. No sadness. No happiness. Nothing. I’ve always wondered why you both never came around. I’m sure it had a lot to do with the fact that I was my father’s child, but all my life you lived less than 10 minutes away from me and you never came to see me once. You only called my mother to ask where my father was, never to speak to me. When you died, I was surprised that your neighbors knew who I was and that you (grandmother) spoke of me often. I was always jealous of Everette because you were the grandparents to him that I wish I had in my life. I never understood why and I always thought that you both had hate in your heart for me. As an adult, I understand why I was treated the way I was. It was never right, but I understood. I think that I have gotten to the point where I’m trying to forgive those that treated me wrong and you both were on that list somewhere.

I remember the last conversation that I had with you (grandfather). You talked to me about music and all of the accomplishments you made. How you played for Roberta Flack and how you taught music in schools and colleges. I learned that I guess I got my love from music from you. It would have been awesome to have learned things from you but…such is life.

I remember the last conversation that I had with my grandmother. I remember you calling me to tell me that my grandfather died and I simply said, “sorry for your loss”. I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know either of you enough to feel bad. I remember the day that you died I was at work at the Aquarium and I was thinking about you, which was odd. I got in my mom’s car after work and told her that I was gonna call you when I got in the house and she said, “well you can’t call her now because she’s dead.”

I guess sometimes I wish that I did call more or made an effort to get to know you both, but I always felt like you both should have cared enough to try to get to know me. I don’t know if any of this letter is making any sense or not, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that underneath all of my anger for you that love exists and that you’ve taught me what not to do whenever I have children/grandchildren.

I don’t really have anyone who fits this description so…yeah…

Dear Dorothy Height,

I really wish that I could have gotten a chance to meet you! You are everything I want to be! You gave your life to public service and you stayed fly while working hard to make this country a better place for black women, really all women for that matter. Your life is such an inspiration to all public administrators and non-profit workers. If I could make an ounce of the difference that you made, I would have accomplished so much! Striving to be a trailblazer and trendsetter just like you!

My favorite internet friend? All of my internet friends are people I know for the most part so… that shouldn’t count…lol

Yo seriously?! I’ve been delaying this post because don’t want to write this. I’ll write the obvious one because everyone knows who it is…*Wall slides on the floor and rolls around* *long dramatic SIGH*

Dear…well you know who you are…

I don’t exactly know how to begin this. I met you at Roland Park, and well I really wish I didn’t sometimes. I liked you sooooooo much back then. Nobody couldn’t tell me that you weren’t the best looking boy I ever saw. SMH I look back over the things that I did,  all of the extra awkward encounters…I was embarassed a lot. All I wanted was for you to like me. My feelings were hurt a lot over you & I think a lot of things you did, you did it to be nice. You’d come around and entertain me to be nice but really I’m pretty sure you didn’t feel like I did. I always wondered what if I had said something in a direct manner, but then I did and yeah…-__-

I never really understood why I liked you for so long. I think something or someone is appealing because its something that you know will never happen. But…when the opportunity comes for something to come into fruition, it’s no longer appealing…then you back away from it. That’s me. I think I wanted something that I thought would never happen. I’m glad it didn’t. I don’t want someone who really was making me put up effort because you don’t care, and that my friends have talked about and have thoughts of sleeping or have slept with. They’ll never tell me I’m sure, but I’m far from stupid.

But anywho, to my long ass crush, there’s a lot I haven’t said because it doesn’t matter anymore. Dear Sir, I hope you are doing well and that life is treating you well. I’m sure I’ll see you around randomly!

~Melanie

Uhmm…Hi! How are you? That’s awesome. I’m well! Have a good one!

Dear Dreams,

Oh how I can’t wait to see the day that you will come into fruition!!! Everyday, as I sit at work, everytime I get a homework assignment, everytime I get some time to myself, everytime I am in my car, my bed, on the train…my mind constantly thinks of you. It has come to a point where I almost want to give up on you, because the harder I try, it seems the further away I am from you. I don’t want to give up on you but I can’t see where you are anymore. I no longer think about unrealistic and farfetched dreams like I used to. I’ve lost track of you, and it feels awful. This year, I dedicate to refamiliarize myself with you! I need something to look forward to again!

~Melanie

So uhm…wow. I don’t think I have one of those. I’m the only child, and I don’t really get along with my family enough to have a closest relative. Maybe Grammie. Yeah, I’ll say Grammie.

Dear Grammie:

Underneath all of your sass and mean words most of the time, you’re pretty awesome. Thank you for stepping in and being the missing parent in my life. I thouroughly enjoy your company and your love. I know that I’m your favorite, and I won’t tell the others lol. I have so many memories that were hilarious and you continuously add to them. You’re my second Mom, and I’m thankful for you having my back when other family members have treated me awful in the past. Thank you for stepping in when Mommy was not able to be there for me. Thank you for all of the dances we used to do in your kitchen to one of your Doo Wop songs, lol. Thank you for all of your nicknames, Miss America Junior, Melanie Sue, among other ones that I won’t say, lol. Thank you for serenading me in your best singing voice. lol Thank you for all of the car games we used to play on the way to school. Thank you for all of the curse outs you used to say in the car to other drivers while I cackled and wondered what a salamander was lol. Thank you for all of the curse outs I’ve received over the years.  I’m unsure of how much longer I’ll have you and I honestly don’t want to think about it, but just know that even though I might seem angry and I may say things that make you angry, that I love you. You’re my only grandparent that I’ve had  a relationship with and your awesomeness supercedes my father’s folks, but I won’t get into that.

iamdonald:

Happy Thanksgiving…

P.S.  You guys bought 53k of Camp last week.  That’s really unbelievable.  And I’m very thankful for that.

Jesus. Help me as I write this.

Dear Mommy,

I love you with all of my heart. I thank God for you. I am thankful of how you worked, almost to death, to make sure that I was taken care of. Thank you for being my mother and father through everything! Even though it seems that many times you can’t express to me how you really feel about certain things, I know that you care and love me. You’ve been through so much and you are still here. I wish you knew how awesome you really are. I wish that you would take care of yourself and love yourself like how I do and God does. Mommy, I don’t want you to worry about me anymore. I’m an adult and I’ll learn for myself. Go out and have yourself some fun! Go grab your boo and hit the road. Go on a trip. Make new friends, because I know the ones you had didn’t treat you the best. Give yourself time to heal. Forgive. Move on and live your life because these folks out here aren’t thinking and dwelling about what happened in the past. Stay strong while you take care of Grammie. God sees what you are doing and sometimes the things we do won’t be rewarded in this life. I love you. Jesus loves you. Your life is not finished! Step out on faith, take control of your life and live it for you.

~E.V.O. (lol)

*long dramatic sigh* Here we go…

Dear Tony,

Its unfortunate that after all of these years, I’m still not comfortable with calling you my father. But anyway, I don’t know where to begin. I don’t remember you until either 10 or 11. I don’t know which Christmas that was. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have certain memories, such as the Christmas where you claimed you sold my Christmas gifts and had to write to tell me that as an 11/12 year old. I understand that you weren’t in your right frame of mind, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Or the many times you promised you’d do things for me or come and see me and never show up. I never received anything in the mail either. Or how you would randomly pick up and leave and appear in a random state like Vermont, chasing after some woman. I never understood how you got around like that. I never understood why you would wait to call me if you were in the hospital or if you were feeling depressed or in the middle of trying to do harm to yourself. That was never cool to me and I don’t think I’ve completely forgiven you for doing that to me. You wonder why I don’t call or anything like that, its because you ALWAYS said something to make me feel bad. I was a child and you called me with all of that depressing stuff. That wasn’t fair to me. I wasn’t the cause of your situation. You were. Take that up with yourself.

As an adult, I think I’m indifferent about our relationship because, well…I haven’t forgiven you entirely and I still don’t believe much of what you say either. Hopefully, this letter will begin to give me some type of healing and I can be able to have this conversation with you without being concerned for your feelings. You weren’t concerned for mine when you decided to leave and went to New York. You weren’t concerned for my feelings when you chose drugs over me for all of those years. I can remember how I felt when you would just blatantly lie to me and how I used to cry because you broke your promise. AGAIN. On a positive note,

I’m proud of you for overcoming your addiction and maybe one day we can have a good relationship. It’s not going to happen overnight though and you can’t force me into anything, as I’m sure you can see. I do love you though and I hope that one day we’ll be able to have a good relationship.

~Your daughter

My crush. I don’t really think I have one of those. There isn’t one person that really catches my eye or sparks my interest like that right now. But I’ll do one just for fun…lol

Dear Guy On the Metro,

I have no clue what your name is, however I do know that you went to Morgan at some point because I remember seeing you in the GSBM Honors Program seminars, I believe in the class behind mine lol. I want you to know that I am not a stalker, I just can’t stop looking at you. Why are you so friggin cute? lol When I’m on the metro and it stops at Landover, I look for you. When I get off work, I look to see if you’re on the platform waiting for the train too. Briefly though, I’m not there with the dramatic, desperate look, searching for my long lost lover. Thank you for being my metro eye candy! lol You’re handsomeness is appreciated.

*long exaggerated sigh* I think I’ve waited long enough for this…so here goes…lol

To Jasmine:

My Lord, how long have we known each other? Since 6th grade? I remember distinctly because you got transferred into my homeroom towards the end of the year and I didn’t like you because my friends didn’t. However, because nobody liked you in the class, I decided to become your friend. I was a good Samaritan at a young age, lol. However, since then we’ve been inseparable. Though we’re not as close as we were and we don’t really see each other since your move to Ohio, just know I’d still shank a heifer for you. lol Now hurry up and graduate so you can move back to Baltimore! lol Love you sis!

To Larissa:

Lawd. I don’t even know where to begin. I think in 8th grade you conned me into being your best friend, lol. We’ve been through entirely TOO MUCH! lol To the days of walking the streets at night trying to stay out of the house, to going downtown and being cursed out by crackheads and saxophone players, to your random get-togethers at your house, to houseparties at your apt in college, Hammerjacks and the Paradox, and all kinds of drama we have had, we’re still here. You gave me two dramatic & awesome god-daughters lol and though we aren’t like we once were, we’re still making it work. Thank you for letting me steal your mom, you can keep Elisha tho. lol Love you sis!

To Amber:

I think we met in 10th grade in Ms. Sears AP Government class where you left me when I thought I had a friend in the class, lol. Me, you, Christian and sometimes Kara hung out till you decided to go to WSSU. (BOO! Lol) Then when you graduated you came back and gave me my first adult best-friendship. We’ve done lots of fun stuff, you introduced me to awesome folks and we’ve had a lot of good opportunities. I think at this point, we both probably have issues that we should discuss at some point. Basically we’re growing apart and that’s fine. It happens. I’ve experienced it throughout all of my friendships. Maybe at some point we’ll be near where we were. But if not, I know that you’ll do well. You’re still my sis and I love you!

*Thank you all for putting up with me. I’m not the easiest person to get along with and I truly value your friendships!